When you lose something it makes you realize what you should’ve done!

I am a fortunate person, throughout the last six years I have done more than most will ever dream of doing. Some things I regret, some you wish you could take back and others were positive. I have seen the world, seen the lifes and relationships of so many. Seen how deceitful and treacherous love can be. I have seen the dead float in Hurricane Katrinas aftermath and seen how lives change when offered a simple helping hand. Out of all of this has come some great lessons, by far the most important one that I have learned is how to treat a girl right, how to love. I contribute this lesson to the loss of a very special person to me, someone I love deeply and always will for being such a big part of my life for so long when she should’ve given up long ago.

I guess you could say I was a partier, socialite from the time I was in high school for some time up until a couple years after being in the Navy. During this time I never cared what a girl thought or how she felt, never truly ever treated a girl how she should be treated and for that I deeply regret. I had been to caught up in partying, being with random girls and this sort of fake sense of status that didn’t really matter. Until this point I had never really been official with anyone, dated had fun but never really took on an official dating approach. I would always get to bored after a couple weeks or so and move on. For a while, I had a saying that I swore by, “Every girl is the one, until the next one comes along.” All of that changed when I met this one girl, a girl who will go unnamed but knows who she is.

Yes, this girl was very different from the rest, in so many small ways she intrigued me and kept me interested. It was the fact that I could tell she didn’t mean to do these small things it was just who she was. Throughout our relationship things were great, and yes I had been bitten by the “Love bug”. During the time when things started to get serious there small things that I just couldn’t let go and for maybe a lack of better words didn’t know how to let go. I remember times where she had cried for me to just spend some time pleading desperately to just stay with her. At the time I was so consumed with being around friends that I ignored it thinking it was her being over dramatic. Looking back I realized that the one person who wanted only my love and affection was also someone I turned my back on. I realized that I had been such a huge jerk, that had I been responsible realized my friends can wait and will always be there I would’ve gladly given her that time.

My own selfishness had hurt the one true person that I had ever cared and loved. After realizing this sometime after I felt so badly but there was no way to make it up to her by then. The pain of me turning my back on her had been far to great and I had waited far to long to man up and realize what was going on. Eventually we became friends, as hard as it is to let go of a love I had to. I could no longer ask her to try being us when I know that I had hurt her so badly that she could never really ever look at me in the same way as she had before. It was a pivotal life lesson, that while it hurts me so much to say I had to learn.

Everybody eventually wants a girl/guy who will treat them right, love them and to grow old with and learning this lesson has shown me how to treat that girl. It has shown me how to let go of superficial and take responsibility for a relationship if I ever want to be truly happy. I have had a completely new approach on relationships since then and I have taken some flack for not being the “Tom Bird” that doesn’t care. Either way it doesn’t matter I know who I am and I know I’m making the right choices for me. I never want to be the person to claim to love someone and still treat them like that ever again.

There is more than just us out there

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recently I experienced something all fathers would dread, at just a week shy of four months old, my son Trevor passed from SID’s (Sudden infant death syndrome). It was by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life, but it has given me an experience to learn from. I remember the day like it was yesterday racing to the hospital, watching the doctors and nurses desperately try to revive his small body. I remember touching his face after he had passed when we were able to hold him, brushing his cheek which always used to get him to smile, just hoping that he would wake up and this terrible nightmare would truly be just a nightmare. Sitting there holding him, just wishing I could his smiling face once more, his cute coo for just one more time.

The next days were a daze going through funeral preparations, coordinating and trying to grieve all at the same time was nearly impossible. The only thing that made it better was having such strong support from so many friends, family and co workers to whom I am deeply grateful to. It was ironic because you always want to do so much to help that person but more than anything just being there helped in such a strong way. A lot of my friends don’t deal with emotion well but just having them there spoke volumes and truly helped and for that I am grateful.

Throughout the experience I think the hardest part for me was carrying his small casket to the hearse and then to the grave site. Throughout the entire event I was most inspired by the ending, from the hearse to his final resting place. Let me tell you why, it took me sometime to realize this, because I had been in such a big daze I hadn’t noticed a lot of things. Anyways, I remember his grandfather and I pulling his casket from the back of the hearse, during which the sky was black and cloudy with almost no wind. As we walked to the small gravesite and placed him on the ground the wind suddenly picked up and shortly thereafter rain.

During the service everyone stood there almost to shocked that he was gone to even flinch. Cold, rain and leaves flying around his small casket from the strong wings created a certain feeling of turbulence only matched by the hearts of those standing around so somber. As the preacher finished his service we were asked once again to step forward and lower his casket. We began to lower his casket and as soon as it touched the ground, almost as quick as it had started raining, it stopped. The events were amazing, as soon as the casket touched the ground the sky had cleared and a warming ray of sunlight shown down on us and the wind had died completely.

It truly has shown me that God was there, that there was a purpose for all this. That despite the tears I had swelling in my eyes watching the grave be filled, there really was a greater purpose at work. Why? I don’t know, nor will I ever. That’s fine, but knowing that something bigger was there taking place and that God had been there to watch over my son was the biggest encouragement ever. It had taken sometime to realize this, after being in such a daze. I had realized all of the events but I just hadn’t put it together fully until somebody else mentioned how crazy it was. Some may rack it up to coincidence, but others know it was much more than just a coincidence.

While Trevor was alive he had inspired me to be so much more. He had made me want to make a life together as a family and a home. He had been able to really complete me, to fill a hole that I needed filled. I had wanted to become better, make more of myself so that he could be proud of me. Now that is gone that inspiration has only grown, it has made me want to complete my goals in his name and it has given me more inspiration and drive than I could ever ask for. His mother and I are still together and stronger than ever having gone through this experience together and in the future eventually plan on having another child.