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Got bored a little creative writing

23 Dec

Hate when I settle for less knowing I deserve more
Its alright though cause you closed that door
So I guess I should be thankful for savin me the heartache
Of finding out later on you’re fake
Yeah its alright I ain’t gonna let it get me down
You ain’t the only girl left in this town
Either way you’re all the same
Just different faces but the same game
Yeah it hurt at first not going to lie
But there was really nothing between you and I
At least got out before it got deep
Cause I ain’t gonna lose no sleep

I should’ve listened to what everyone said
Should’ve stayed away instead
Its alright though cause sometimes you got to learn the hardway
That’s what it took today but that’s okay

So I know that sometimes I can be a little over jealous
But that just shows how much I cared about us
The one time I was ready to be your one
It was nothing more than a game to you just for fun
I just can’t understand how I couldn’t see it right from the start
I was told not to and even felt it in my heart
Like that undeniable feeling you just don’t want to admit
Knew it was true but I just didn’t want it
I guess that’s how it starts
Cause when we were apart
I know you didn’t think about me
And maybe one day you will see

Its okay though cause I’m ah go back to just bein me
Not carin about anybody
Only lookin out for number one
No more caring cause I’m done
Never again will I put myself out there
Doesn’t really seem fair but I don’t care
Tired of bein the one to walk the miles when you can’t even meet me halfway
Not tomorrow, the next or any day
I’m done putting in the work only to find it was a waste of my time
Guess I cared a little to much but is that really a crime
And now I just find myself asking how could I be so stupid
Knew it was wrong that’s why I can’t believe I did

Yep its okay good luck with life your loss anyway
Don’t care anymore about what you have to say
So just save it for some other fool
This is my new rule
Never again put yourself out there
Don’t ever care

Bored at work

11 Dec

I still think about you from day to day
I call but never know what to say
So I just hang up the phone
I guess your better off alone
Its hard for me cause I desperately want you to see
Me for me and not what others say I will be
Cause haters never want others to be happy
So join them in their misery
Instead of taking a chance with me
Its okay though cause one day you will see
How much ya missed out on when you closed that door
Not going to worry about it anymore

Cause your all the same just different faces
So put on your shoes and tie up the laces
Runaway from something good like you always do
The sad part is you know that its true
Ignore your better judgment like you always do
Take all theirs lies for true

Its unfortunate you still deny the true
So whats left to do
Please tell me what would make you see
And thats what I will be
Walk that thin line contemplating
While everything seems so frustrating
everyone else sees this as black and white
Cause they all know whats right
Your the only one that still doesn’t see
Me for me
Your the only one that sees me as the bad guy
And I don’t know why

Its rather sad cause you say you want someone to not hurt you
But what do you think he is going to do
Do you really think he will treat your right
Do you really think he will stand by every night
I’m sorry to say but your just there for his amusement
Not for the love, the truth or the time spent
So go ahead and walk right back into his lieing arms
I sware I never meant any harm
I just don’t to see you get hurt by him
But its not looking good things are rather dim
Have your fun cause I hope its worth it
I am tired of all the bullshit

Wooohooo finally have total creative control over my companies website

26 Nov

So definitely stoked, I can control all creative content that will be going onto my companies website. The only thing that sucks is that we are using a cms similar to wordpress format. It will be fun though anyway, I have already embarked on three new projects to dress up the site and give a better feel. I feel like our web designer kind of slacked on us previously because a lot of the coding and design was kind of sloppy. Small things that most would never notice but things that eat me alive and annoy the heck out of me. I am very maticulous when it comes to creating my site and then to have these easy errors just sit there and not get changed annoyed me. Oh well though I now have full control so it will never be like that again and if it is it won’t be like that for long.

My website link

Bored, just some creative writing rather doodles lol

25 Nov

Ready for life, ready for what comes my way
Each step is a new day
Unafraid to tackle what others won’t try
Doesn’t matter why
Taking steps into the future
Where it leads I am unsure
Doesn’t matter though because this is real
No bs, no lies, just deal
Hard times come but there is always the other side
One thing that I will never be denied
Others may to trample my success
But to me its just another test
Just more fuel for me to throw in your face
More fuel for me to reach my place
My goals, my life will never be dampered by the words of others
I will walk and I will succeed so while your laughing I’m still looking behind
Cause your going nowhere fast are you blind
Laugh cause your still in the same mess while I make something of myself
Apparently content has become the new medium versus wealth
Apparently you would rather sit there than strive for more
Rather sit there than open up new doors
So live life fearful of whats around the corner and over the hill
Life your life miserable and unfulfilled
Cause when I’m the other side you’ll see what you miss
And all because of your ignorance
Got no one to blame but you
Sad but you still don’t even realize its true
Its alright though cause my heart is strong and I am persistent
Persistent in that I may fail but never stop trying constant
Where I fall I learn and where I learn I make progress
This is how I know I’ll be standing atop that hill looking down on your selfishness
Look around at your stigma you create
Look around at the world you hate
Never had to be like that if you had only been stronger
If you had only been diligent a little longer
Had not always taken the easy way out
Never be afraid of the untraveled route
You see more than others who have never been
Stop the struggle again
Its our world but my time and faith is what I have to push me farther than before
Faith that does not let me ignore
Faith that keeps my goals first and content last
Faith that keeps me from dwelling on my past
Faith in myself and my ability to be great
Faith that will decide my fate

Silly boys, you didn’t know?!

18 Nov

So yeah if you haven’t been reading at all and are just now reading this post I would suggest checking a couple of the other posts because they give a little back ground about this. Anyways long story short met a girl, liked her and got lied to. I know, I know its not the end of the world but it was hard. Oh and not to mention the fact that she slept with one of my friends. So after a momentary day or two of anger at the world I started to make sense of some things. First that she obviously wasn’t worth it after knowing three things. First I knew she had been with 18 guys from her admittance and shes only 18! Second that she lied to me and thirdly I slept with her after the first night. So what does that tell me she probably not the type of girl I want to get into a relationship with anyway. That is not the reason I am really mad though, it is the idea a person who would call me a friend would sit there and sleep with a girl whom he knew very well I was very interested in and had things going on with.

To me that is the no fly zone, at least with friends. Me personally I would never sleep with even an acquaintance’s girl let alone a friends. So after much deliberation I realized that a large percentage of my anger was misplaced. I mean obviously she was a hoe, no offense females, and if she is then she isn’t worth my time and she did me a favor. However I am still mad at my supposed friend who I will never talk to again. He tried saying something like, “Are you going to let a girl come between our friendship”, which really pissed me off because I am not the one that chose a girl over his friend. Anyways I am largely mad at him, at first I wanted to beat his but then I thought about it and came to the conclusion for him doing that he is less of a person therefore I know I am better than him and always will be so I don’t need to fight him.

I don’t know about everyone else but to me it seems like the focus of a relationship has turned from being focused on love and being happy to trying to get through the bullshit. I have noticed in myself and others that people build barriers after being hurt and it takes someone focusing more on disproving those preconceptions rather than what they should be focused on which is finding happiness and a partner they will love. It is unfortunate but if you think about it I am sure you will see what I am saying. I myself do it, not purposely but I do it. I try to watch for that because to me a relationship should not be cutting through the thick barrier/walls built upon lies once fed to that person. No it should finding out what she is like, whether she is someone you can see yourself with and love.

I don’t blame people for doing that because of all that ass holes in the world that have made them like that but at the same time if there is no hope, no belief that there is better and someone right then what is the point? People and pasts have made some into things they don’t want to be. I know some who would rather just have relations and not worry bout the girls feelings afterwards and that is just as much a mistake to. I understand but I don’t condone it nor would I do it myself. I want something better and I am not just looking for a one night stand, had it been there done that and it is not worth the grief you all to often receive from it. All I really want is a steady girl to care about it and be cared about. This doesn’t mean I jump the gun but in the end it is what I want. I am looking for that but I am not going to sit here and hangout with a girl once and then proclaim my love. In fact right now I don’t even want a relationship because of the way my other relationships turned so sour. Not to say I wouldn’t hangout, find out more about her and then possibly be in a relationship with her but its just not something I want right now.

My relationship outlook right now!!!!

13 Nov

Is anybody else tire of the games that are played all the time during dating? Does anyone acknowledge the fact they are building barriers against people they have no reason to build barriers against. I question this because people come into a relationship so many times from being hurt and take it out on the next. I am sorry but I base every event in life on an individual basis I will stay on the lookout for certain signs but that doesn’t mean that I will let that change the way I act with one specific person. It is frustrating to me to see someone I actually care for sit here and block me because of something that has happened in their past life. It is unfortunate and it does hurt but its life and it is not always fair but does that mean that you take it out on everyone else? I sound like I am way over stressing things, but it is not like that I am just tired and frustrated with things.

I met a girl, thought she was, had so much in common your typical beginning of a crush I know. Trust me though I am not taking it that serious or even really caring if it works out. Right now I am at the point that I know no matter what that there is someone out there that will make me happy and it will come sooner or later but I just don’t want to sit here and play games until that one comes. I know perfectly well how the game works and to be frank I am tired of playing the game and in all actuality done playing the game. You want to play around then don’t even talk to me. No more lies, bullshit or anything else for that matter. Just simple upfront and real that is all I am looking for anymore. I guess its not possible right now because everyone has been watching to many reality shows and just wants drama, wants to play hard to get and all those other games. I despise this so if you are looking at me thinking, “hey lets get together.” You’d better not be bringing that shit!

Okay so I met this girl and everything was going so well, almost to the point that it didn’t even feel right like it was to good. Due to my stigma lately even the possibly good things could be foreshadowed by that undeniable stigma of the past that is still so prevalent in the back of my mind. It is unfortunate but I am not the type of person to let something like that get me down. I will proceed much more cautiously but I won’t stop myself from proceeding because I know that no matter what in life there are going to be things that are going to hurt. It is unfortunate but if you are willing to just fold and walk away what’s the point in life. I am reminded of a quote from, “Goodwill Hunting”, I think and I am not totally sure how it went but the jist of it was something like this, “It is better to have taken a chance and swung out rather than never having stepped up to the plate.” Its true to if you think about it in a baseball sense. Take for instance the batting average he might be afraid that he will strike out there but never batting will just hurt more than if he was to just step and try and maybe get a lucky hit in every once in a while.

I guess that is my situation right now, the girl I am interested in is facing that ideal right now. Long relationship afraid to be with anyone and thats fine. Not to play her down or nothing but just about everyone has been in that situation. The difference is in how you take that and how you proceed from that time on. I mean if everyone that ever failed just never tried anymore then we would not have this great country anymore. Things would be dramatically different! For me I guess I just can’t understand that, maybe its because I am a very resilient person and I always have a very optimistic outlook on life. Either way though it just doesn’t make sense to me, but I respect it cause that is her choice. You can’t force somebody, I have noticed that in many areas. For instance I was watching the show “Intervention”, and what happens most the time? The people end up going right back to what they were doing before. Why is that? I think it is mostly because they don’t want to do it in the first place. Throughout most the show the people were forced by family and or friends etc., to me that just is not the way to go about things. For me I can’t understand that because I have always been a pig headed person that is very high strung. I know what I want and no one will detour me from that. I have never done anything for anyone else but myself, I’ll help out but I am not going to do something simply because someone else says that I should. In fact most times that will keep me from ever doing whatever it is that they want me to do.

Am I ready to just jump back in?!

13 Nov

So its been almost nine months since me and my ex have been broken up and if you haven’t been reading any of the other posts we were together for two years, had a kid together, lived together and had a life started. Well all of those things have fallen apart and since all that is left is my son. Really he is the only thing that I care about from that relationship anymore. So I haven’t really dated since then though, I have had chances and passed up on all but two of my chances. Thee others just wanted sex and now there is nothing wrong with that but its just not something that I am looking for anymore. Been there done that and I partly blame it for the way that my life has turned out. I feel like I didn’t really take it serious enough the first time around but not all of it was my fault either. Either way though my point is that I am tired of the usual games, the childish ideals of what is dating.

I don’t know, for me it seems like playing games and always having a backup has become a regular occurrence with females these days. This is my point I will never play second string to anyone nor will I ever be sitting the bench waiting around for someone who is not willing to put something into us either. From now on, actually since I broke up with my ex it is you either meet me half way or not at all. I am no longer going out of my way to get a girl, to be quite frank it is just not worth it. I mean you build something only to find that she has been interested in someone else but just hanging out with you for something to do. Uh uh nope not me, I did that was once and trust it was more than enough for me to never put myself into that situation ever again. In all actuality it makes me very skeptical anymore of any girl, I will say that it will probably foreshadow any other relationship I ever have. I can be worked through but right now it is big in my mind because things still feel fresh.