You lost, I lost, we both lost

What could or will possess a girl to think that dangling a child, your child’s life around is game. When did your child become an amusement, when did seeing how badly you can use your son to hurt his father become acceptable, fun, amusing, to anyone?!!! Granted there are some bad fathers out there, but because one is does not mean all are. When will you learn? I had thought that you had learned, but based upon your actions I was obviously wrong. Immature, always taking the easy way, never sticking to your gut and just going for the easy. You owe more to yourself and your son. We will never ever be again. We never can be, as much as sometimes I want to I will never let myself. I do not feel like I am losing you, but you are losing me. Have lost and been lost for a while. You always were good at keeping me twisted doing just enough to string me along but never again, never again,….

I’m not losing you, your losing me, and sadly you can’t even see whats so plain to everyone else. I, nor anyone else can tell you and even more sad enough one day you’ll wake up and realize it. One day long after I’ve gone, after its to late, after you have spent your years. You were right I tried for the wrong reasons but still sometimes even try to talk myself into it, but I know its not right and I would be a fool to go back. I am better off, always will be just wanted something so much that I lost sight of what was right for me and my life, cause you were never there entirely. There was always someone else someone waiting around the corner, someone else on the back burner. You never gave it all and thats why it never worked. I guess thats life, I live, and I definitely learned. Sucks it had to be the hard way. Guess its all for the best, cause I’ve moved on, been moving, and for me never looking back. Im not even mad at you, just disappointed and sad cause your selling yourself short. I finally realize why parents get so mad when we slack off because they know we are so much more capable of better but we accept content, mediocre, etc. And thats all I feel for you now. I will never say it nor explain it, think hard enough, pull your bullshit goggles off and you will see. Be honest with yourself and it will all make sense.

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