I am a fortunate person, throughout the last six years I have done more than most will ever dream of doing. Some things I regret, some you wish you could take back and others were positive. I have seen the world, seen the lifes and relationships of so many. Seen how deceitful and treacherous love can be. I have seen the dead float in Hurricane Katrinas aftermath and seen how lives change when offered a simple helping hand. Out of all of this has come some great lessons, by far the most important one that I have learned is how to treat a girl right, how to love. I contribute this lesson to the loss of a very special person to me, someone I love deeply and always will for being such a big part of my life for so long when she should’ve given up long ago.
I guess you could say I was a partier, socialite from the time I was in high school for some time up until a couple years after being in the Navy. During this time I never cared what a girl thought or how she felt, never truly ever treated a girl how she should be treated and for that I deeply regret. I had been to caught up in partying, being with random girls and this sort of fake sense of status that didn’t really matter. Until this point I had never really been official with anyone, dated had fun but never really took on an official dating approach. I would always get to bored after a couple weeks or so and move on. For a while, I had a saying that I swore by, “Every girl is the one, until the next one comes along.” All of that changed when I met this one girl, a girl who will go unnamed but knows who she is.
Yes, this girl was very different from the rest, in so many small ways she intrigued me and kept me interested. It was the fact that I could tell she didn’t mean to do these small things it was just who she was. Throughout our relationship things were great, and yes I had been bitten by the “Love bug”. During the time when things started to get serious there small things that I just couldn’t let go and for maybe a lack of better words didn’t know how to let go. I remember times where she had cried for me to just spend some time pleading desperately to just stay with her. At the time I was so consumed with being around friends that I ignored it thinking it was her being over dramatic. Looking back I realized that the one person who wanted only my love and affection was also someone I turned my back on. I realized that I had been such a huge jerk, that had I been responsible realized my friends can wait and will always be there I would’ve gladly given her that time.
My own selfishness had hurt the one true person that I had ever cared and loved. After realizing this sometime after I felt so badly but there was no way to make it up to her by then. The pain of me turning my back on her had been far to great and I had waited far to long to man up and realize what was going on. Eventually we became friends, as hard as it is to let go of a love I had to. I could no longer ask her to try being us when I know that I had hurt her so badly that she could never really ever look at me in the same way as she had before. It was a pivotal life lesson, that while it hurts me so much to say I had to learn.
Everybody eventually wants a girl/guy who will treat them right, love them and to grow old with and learning this lesson has shown me how to treat that girl. It has shown me how to let go of superficial and take responsibility for a relationship if I ever want to be truly happy. I have had a completely new approach on relationships since then and I have taken some flack for not being the “Tom Bird” that doesn’t care. Either way it doesn’t matter I know who I am and I know I’m making the right choices for me. I never want to be the person to claim to love someone and still treat them like that ever again.